List of Sh*it that I thought I’d never Say nor Hear

I’m back from the brink of death (horrible flu) and feeling like my usually sarcastic self, so time to write another blog entry J Originally I was going to write about some of the more positive experiences I’m having here in Mongolia (it’s not all dooms day), but today something more important came up and I decided to write about that. My short list of ‘Mongolia Positive Experiences,’ will have to wait.

I’ve been pretty sick the last week, so I haven’t been eating my usually treats after dinner.  Every time I return to site, I head to the store and buy my usually treats, chocolate and Duffle cakes, they are my reward after I’ve been able to stomach and keep down dinner; my treats are one of the little things I look forward to now and again.  So you can imagine my annoyance when I walked into my room during my lunch hour today to find a pile of crumbs at the edge of my bed, yes crumbs, at first I found this strange, I’ve never eaten on my bed the entire time I’ve been here in Mongolia, but anyways, I brushed them off my bed, took off my shoes and laid down. I’m still getting over the flu so I was going to have a short nap.

So here I am lying on my bed, starting to fade into some much needed rest when all of a sudden MY duffle cakes come into my mind, yes, I’ll repeat, MY duffle cakes.  I bolted out of my bed, walked over to my cabinet and pulled out my duffle cake package, and YES, as I figured, two were missing. Holy Sh*t! My maid ate my bloody duffle cakes!!! And this isn’t even the worst of it, usually if someone is going to steal from someone, even if it is something as insignificant as duffle cakes, you would logically think that they would try hiding the evidence, but NO, she didn’t even do that, she left a pile of crumbs on my bed. I guess she had a nice rest (atleast someone is getting some rest) on MY bed while she is eating MY food and didn’t even think to clean up after herself. The Maid didn’t even clean up after herself, the irony in this does put a smile on my face, maybe this is her way of getting back at us bloody Western Expats, but only she can answer that.

So coming back to the topic of this entry, ‘Sh*it that I thought I’d never Say nor Hear.’ I’ll let you all know, me telling my coworkers that, “My maid ate my bloody duffle cakes,” is something that I honestly thought I would never say in my lifetime. 

Just for the record, the maids stealing peoples food is nothing new here, it happens all the time, it just has not happened to me until today.  This incident did led into my next story in which I heard something I never thought I would.  As I was telling the story of my disappearing duffle cakes to a coworker, he told me the several stories of his disappearing fruit.  Apparently on several occasions such as: the day he brought three plums back to his room at lunch and when he got back after work, there were two, or the time he left two bananas on his desk and when he got back from work there was one.  Seriously, that’s some ballsy sh*t, he only had two bananas, and she thought he wouldn’t notice that one just got up and walked away, ballsy, very ballsy. 

Again, so as I’m telling him the story of my missing duffle cakes, he actually said I quote, “I go out of my way to hide my bananas.”  If you don’t think a grown man in his fifties saying he goes out of his way to hide his banana from the cleaning lady isn’t funny, then you and I don’t share the same sense of humor.

List of Sh*it that I thought I’d never Say nor Hear:

1- My maid ate my bloody duffle cakes - Me

2- I go out of my way to hide my bananas - Coworker

3- Wow, a mouse is climbing up my leg - Me

4- The water looked better today, it looked more like Mountain Dew instead of coke - Me     

5- Is that mold or a dead bug? (like either is what you want in your food) - Coworker

6- My plane was only delayed 12 hours this time - Me

7- I think it’s chicken - Me

8- I went to bed at 7pm last night - Me

9- The best part of being here is my job – Me

10- Stop looking so closely at your food, maybe you’d miss the hairs - Me
11- That sealed water bottle has no water in it - Coworker
12- I shake my shower curtain so the scorpions fall off - Coworker